For a brief moment, you had vanished from the world and were lost somewhere in imagination. But suddenly you stepped away, choosing not to hold onto those wild feelings.
“Snap out of it. You’re in the real world. Things in this world require your attention, where people suffer real consequences. There simply isn’t time to explore the world of your selfish pleasures while your life ticks away.” Am I simply no longer a child, with no more means to wander and grow? How could the world have become so cruel as to take us away from our guilty pleasures and romantic escapades? We could just live them through others, through video and photos taken by others, injecting in us with pangs of jealousy. Their worlds are either real or fantasy, but it wouldn’t really matter, because they aren’t ours. We just digest them in bites and move on, for the sake of time. If only goals were reached this way, watching others succeed as we watch ourselves sulk away in misery. How was that other world I saw created? It was created in the mind of a person. It was fashioned by somebody, somehow. Your world, and the world you see others live, those existed and you had to experience them in some way. But they weren’t new and probably didn’t carry with them any personal attachment.
I suppose I am lucky though. I somehow landed a job, which I could keep if I worked hard at it. I will finish school without having suffered too much debt. Although, I am alone. I would really enjoy having a companion at my side. It is said that you can really marry any person and learn to love and get along with that person. But would I inflict that upon myself? I’m one of those obsessed dreamers that wants the one that is for me. Just like I want the job that is for me, or the major, school, location, and lifestyle. Actually, I could get used to this. My life is fine — I do fear that in the near future, I will be beyond broke, still be alone, and will all but beg as the others who have gotten ahead provide for their loved ones — but that’s a silly fear. I can live cheaply and still live nonetheless. And I would get used to it. I could stop everything I have and learn to live in the wilderness, away from the corporate world. And I would survive, because that would be the life I’d have chosen. In fact it would be wonderful to escape the fear of running out of money, or “reality” as many call it, although quite frankly it’s the same concept as following what makes one happy, otherwise known as pursing a “dream”. Why then should I only suffer in finding a good mate while I let the rest of my life settle in mediocrity? I guess it’s because I’ve never had to put in so much effort to figure everything out at once. And my body rejects it, just like it rejects every other good thing in my life, out of fear of losing my now-known comfort.
I can learn not to be dissatisfied. I can be happy with the life that I have, and I would be happy because I so chose. But should I worry if I could be happier? I guess you have to ask yourself how far you’re willing to go. James Marsden once described going through an intense process in order to get abs for a show. He said that it wasn’t worth it at all — he is fine with how he looks, and pursuing that image was just not worth the effort. I have also fantasized about having a six-pack and being worshiped for doing nothing but simply having a body, but that may just be a dream that requires more than we can reasonably afford. It is definitely achievable for many people, and good job to them that have worked and achieved such. I think that may key as well — you’ll only really be satisfied with how far you’ve gotten if it’s your efforts that have gotten you there.